Oscar Wilde’s trial for buggery scandalized Victorian London. Recently discovered notes by the Irish writer reveal the kinky masterpiece that his one novel, “The Picture of Dorian Gray” might have been, had not the censors and royal stable masters objected to Wilde’s unorthodox use of barnyard implements. Alas, these few scribble are all that remain of the chef d’oeuvre that was not to be.

 

Wit

 

“There is only one thing in the world worse than being flogged with a rubber ball in your mouth, and that is not being flogged with a rubber ball in your mouth.” 

 

“When we are naked, we are always flogged, but when we are flogged, we are not always naked.” 

 

Women

 

“We women, as some one says, love with our latex masks, just as you men love with your studded nightsticks.”

 

“It’s a beautiful woman's fate to be the subject of conversation and impromptu electrostimulation where ever she goes” 

 

“Women defend themselves by attacking with whips or broken bottles, just as they attack by surrendering to a Saint Andrew’s cross.”

 

“Women love us for our cock rings. If we have enough of them, they will forgive us everything, even our butt plugs.” 

 

“A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not lower her from the meat hooks on the ceiling.”

 

“The man who would call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one on the woman he loves and humiliates.” 

 

Self-Help

 

“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it, by wearing highly constricting underclothes made of leather.” 

 

“People are very fond of giving away what they need most themselves, like used tampons or K-Y jelly.”

 

“We can have in life but one great fisting at best, and the secret of life is to reproduce that experience as often as possible. While wearing as many rings as possible.” 

 

“A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure with nothing but a lit candle and some rubbing alcohol.” 

 

“Is role playing such a terrible thing? I think not. It is merely a method by which we can multiply our personalities and organisms.” 

 

“Fisticuffs is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is by far the best ending for one.” 

 

Philosophy

 

“Conscience makes perverts of us all.” 

 

“You gag more than you think you gag, just as you bleed less than you want to bleed.” 

 

“We live in an age that flays too much to be wise, and that scars too little to be beautiful.” 

 

“No civilized man ever regrets a spanking, and no uncivilized man ever knows what a spanking is.” 

 

Aesthetics

 

“The only excuse for strappadoing something is that one admires it intensely. All art is quite a strappado.” 

 

 “The artist is the creator of painful, pleasurable things. To reveal whips and conceal the welts is art's aim. The critic is he who can translate into words the quivering impression left by his encounter with pain.” 

 

Love

 

“One charm of marriage is that it makes submission contracts and safewords an absolutely necessary for both parties.” 

 

“When one is in love, one always begins by handcuffing one's self, and one always ends by handcuffing others. That is what the world calls a blockbuster.”